Jacko Fiddlybits

Oh, glorious, glorious day. I am standing over the prone, grossly dismembered body of that musical ebola virus Fred Durst, a bloody and rusted chainsaw protruding from his colon. Well, it would have been, only for the fact that the aforementioned incident was simply a fucking dream! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGHHHHHHHH!! Fucking cunts!! Andy Warhol used to bang on about everybody having fifteen minutes of fame, but this bland, pus for brains wanna be homeboy warthog from Hicksville, Florida and his useless backing band have had their time, and the utter shiteness of his talentless syphilitic blob of a band is out of fucking time!! What the fuck possesses several million of you inbred, hormone drenched dickheads to fork out money for a bunch of braindead skidmarks who are exactly the sort of people who would have called you or me a fag or freak in high school to cover up the fact that they are all a bunch of livestock fucking, incest loving rednecks?

The sort of twats who probably helped vote in that ambassador of utter stupidity, George W. Bush? And careerist rednecks to fucking boot!! I mean, can you think of a potentially worse combination? Bands like this aren’t fit to lick globules of piss from Iggy Pop’s cock.  Stating the obvious that may be, but if you want to hear real fuck off rock music, you won’t find it here. Christ, eight million albums and counting!? You fuckheads should be ashamed of yourselves.

Oh God having a fuck off epileptic fit, I really tried to avoid such an obvious target. The fucking pop music scene is practically prancing around with a big neon sign screaming “PLEASE SLAG ME OFF, IN THE MOST OFFENSIVE MANNER POSSIBLE”. Well I’ll gladly fucking oblige, because obvious a topic as it may be, things have gotten so pig shittingly awful that a good venting of fucking bile against the idiotic shit choking up our airwaves and the wastes of fucking life buying them is entirely necessary. In the words of Public Enemy, who stole the soul? WHO IN THE NAME OF THE VIRGIN MARY’S SKID – MARKED KNICKERS IS BUYING THIS ABSOLUTE BRAINLESS SHITE WITH A LACK OF ANY DISCERNIBLE TALENT WHATSOFUCKINGEVER!? Because mark my fucking words, like a serious case of constipation, eventually something’s gotta give.

If the music being shat out by record companies is any reflection of the people buying it, then the smart people, what few there are left, are truly fucked. The current pop smorgasbord is 99% braindead, soulless, conformist, inoffensive, fake bull fucking shit, quite possibly exactly like the audience of masturbating hormone drenched twats that puts these fucking non – events in the upper reaches of the charts. Here’s a list of names: Britney Spears. Bewitched. Celine Dion. The Corrs. Steps. Stereophonics. Oasis. Travis. Robbie Williams. Will Smith. Boyzone. Mariah Carey. Supergrass. Vengaboys. Westlife. Five. The Spice Girls. S Club 7. EIffel 65. Every shit dance band that sounds exactly the fucking same. All fantastic, great artists, totally fucking sincere, and sure to be remembered in 10 years time. My bleeding arse. Imagine this for a truly horrible situation. You’re inside a locked room with all of the above and you have in your hands a loaded AK – 47 with just 15 bullets in it. Horrible, eh? Every one of the lobotomised fuckers and their abortion bucket refugee fans should be skinned, doused in vinegar and petrol, kneecapped, and then set alight. I guarantee that their screams of bowel – loosening agony would be infinitely more listenable than the intestinal blood clots passing for CDs in their collection.

Up their mothers dead arse is too eloquent for these bastards. Just do the decent thing, and FUCKING DIE.

A wonderful thing, irony. It’s allowed for the acceptance of complete and utter old man’s shite in the realm of popular culture throughout the ages. As a result, ABBA are “good”. Tom Jones is “cool”. And Eminem is “tongue in cheek”, “doesn’t really mean it”, etc. Bollocks. Without the spurious benefits of irony, ABBA are “cack beyond imagining”, Tom Jones is “a talentless old fuck who sings like a bull being castrated with steaknife”, and Eminem is “a dumb, redneck piece of shit”, ” a homphobe”, and, he “does really mean it”. For fucks sake, he’s even been quoted as saying that he hates gays! This useless fuck, like so much of today’s music, is a simple case of lowest common denominator, and we all know how much fun they are.

Worse still, he draws exactly the sort of mental midgets to his concerts that identify with him. Ten and eleven year olds saying they’re “down with Eminem because he hates gays”, then there are the dildo loving fourteen year old bitches that like him because he’s “buff” (No worries about them reading the lyric sheet), and the fucking wastes of life who dig him for the so – called danger factor. And what’s all this shit from academics claiming that his lyrics are poetic works worthy of T.S Eliot? What sort of a fucking commendation is that? This may strike you as a bit of a sad statement, but if he was black, would such infamy and acclaim be heaped upon him like offal on a slaughterhouse floor? I’ve got three words for you people, PUBLIC FUCKING ENEMY. Surprise, folks, I’m about to say good about something for a change. Now here are lyrics worthy of being termed “poetic”. Intelligence. Anger. A social conscience. Imagination. Eminem invokes a sick society on a sick society. Public Enemy wanted to change it. Check them out, and then maybe you’ll see sense and throw out those Eminem CDs. Do it now, assholes.