Jacko Fiddlybits

Fucking pussies masturbating into their shitnob mobile fuck – phones is what they really are. The bastards walk around in piss poor excuses for suits that fucking Elton John would reject on grounds of tastelesness, talking absolute leprous shite into their stupid bastard phones, everywhere you go, on a bus down a street, in a pub, even in fucking public bloody toilets, for the love of Pope John Paul’s colostomy bag. They are nothing but facile, fake, trend worshipping wankers, who, if their parents were to get a future glimpse of their offspring, would doubtless throw them into the river with a cement block the size of a Volkswagen tied around their neck.

These fuckers chug on the big hairy corporate cock until they choke on the juices. WHERE IS YOUR PRIDE, YOU CHICKENSHIT CONFORMIST ARSELICKERS?  If these assholes with a flea’s scrotum for a fucking brain want to use their tumour causing technology so badly, then let’s just staple the things to their fucking well groomed gay faces, preferably with rusty staples. Ahh…..yuppies, mobile phone users and blood poisoning, what a magical combination. Better yet, let’s slowly increase the amount of radiation that the bastards recieve from their mobile cancer units. It’d certainly be very funny to see the fuckers walking around with tumours the size of elephant testicles on their faces a few years from now. Or just plain dead from Poppa Cancer.

Up their well groomed, self – conscious, tea party holding mothers’dead arse.

Oh, glorious, glorious day. I am standing over the prone, grossly dismembered body of that musical ebola virus Fred Durst, a bloody and rusted chainsaw protruding from his colon. Well, it would have been, only for the fact that the aforementioned incident was simply a fucking dream! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGHHHHHHHH!! Fucking cunts!! Andy Warhol used to bang on about everybody having fifteen minutes of fame, but this bland, pus for brains wanna be homeboy warthog from Hicksville, Florida and his useless backing band have had their time, and the utter shiteness of his talentless syphilitic blob of a band is out of fucking time!! What the fuck possesses several million of you inbred, hormone drenched dickheads to fork out money for a bunch of braindead skidmarks who are exactly the sort of people who would have called you or me a fag or freak in high school to cover up the fact that they are all a bunch of livestock fucking, incest loving rednecks?

The sort of twats who probably helped vote in that ambassador of utter stupidity, George W. Bush? And careerist rednecks to fucking boot!! I mean, can you think of a potentially worse combination? Bands like this aren’t fit to lick globules of piss from Iggy Pop’s cock.  Stating the obvious that may be, but if you want to hear real fuck off rock music, you won’t find it here. Christ, eight million albums and counting!? You fuckheads should be ashamed of yourselves.

Ah, you’ve got to love the country people now, sure. The fuck I don’t! I’ve lived among these unwashed, pig ignorant, gossiping, prejudiced, cowshit covered fuckends for the past 11 years and I am far from fucking slap – happy about it. Christ, how the fuck in Satan’s tomato red arsehole did these amobae in human form get made? Do they divide and replicate the same way? It would explain why there’s so many of the rank bastards. I FUCKING HATE LIVING AMONG HEADFUCKED INBRED HICKS! THEY ARE AN INSULT TO THE HUMAN GENE POOL!!! KILL THE INBRED INCEST LOVING SHITWADS!!!! RRRRRRGGHHH …….

Ah, sorry about that. But really, you ,must realise that if I had a small platoon of Viet Congs, on LSD and armed with the latest in the line of big as a blue whales cock miniguns, I’d soon eliminate the problem of dumb as a baboon’s arse, deformed faece freaks in this country. Just line the smelly ranks of unwashed up before with me, and ah yes, the smell of napalm in the morning…… Of course what we could do with them is use them as guinea pigs in laboratories. Not for the betterment of mankind or any of that hopeless bullshit, but just so we can riddle them with stomach – churningly bastard rotten diseases, and fuck around with their DNA. You never know, we might even get a human being out of a serious fucking experiment like that.

Anyway, up their……ahh, fuck it.

Oh God having a fuck off epileptic fit, I really tried to avoid such an obvious target. The fucking pop music scene is practically prancing around with a big neon sign screaming “PLEASE SLAG ME OFF, IN THE MOST OFFENSIVE MANNER POSSIBLE”. Well I’ll gladly fucking oblige, because obvious a topic as it may be, things have gotten so pig shittingly awful that a good venting of fucking bile against the idiotic shit choking up our airwaves and the wastes of fucking life buying them is entirely necessary. In the words of Public Enemy, who stole the soul? WHO IN THE NAME OF THE VIRGIN MARY’S SKID – MARKED KNICKERS IS BUYING THIS ABSOLUTE BRAINLESS SHITE WITH A LACK OF ANY DISCERNIBLE TALENT WHATSOFUCKINGEVER!? Because mark my fucking words, like a serious case of constipation, eventually something’s gotta give.

If the music being shat out by record companies is any reflection of the people buying it, then the smart people, what few there are left, are truly fucked. The current pop smorgasbord is 99% braindead, soulless, conformist, inoffensive, fake bull fucking shit, quite possibly exactly like the audience of masturbating hormone drenched twats that puts these fucking non – events in the upper reaches of the charts. Here’s a list of names: Britney Spears. Bewitched. Celine Dion. The Corrs. Steps. Stereophonics. Oasis. Travis. Robbie Williams. Will Smith. Boyzone. Mariah Carey. Supergrass. Vengaboys. Westlife. Five. The Spice Girls. S Club 7. EIffel 65. Every shit dance band that sounds exactly the fucking same. All fantastic, great artists, totally fucking sincere, and sure to be remembered in 10 years time. My bleeding arse. Imagine this for a truly horrible situation. You’re inside a locked room with all of the above and you have in your hands a loaded AK – 47 with just 15 bullets in it. Horrible, eh? Every one of the lobotomised fuckers and their abortion bucket refugee fans should be skinned, doused in vinegar and petrol, kneecapped, and then set alight. I guarantee that their screams of bowel – loosening agony would be infinitely more listenable than the intestinal blood clots passing for CDs in their collection.

Up their mothers dead arse is too eloquent for these bastards. Just do the decent thing, and FUCKING DIE.

Jesus on a barbecue grill, thank fuck the Sixties are over, eh? No more smelly, dirty disease ridden hippies with the I.Q of stale monkey shit to plague us with “Oh, love, peace, drugs, groovy, drop out, free your mind” bullshit. Well I’ve just freed my fucking bowels, cos they’re still fucking here! Christ, I thought the cops had killed you pathetic retard freeloaders. Why are drugs illegal? If the crab infested hippies want them so much, give them to the useless crusty fuckheads! Shovel them down their throats, give it to them in suppositories the size of JCBs, we’ll soon be rid of the whinging dole drawing waster cunts, and solve the drug problem at the same time. The hippies we have these days are even worse than the jokes that were dragging their festering fucked maggot carcasses around in the spewing Sixties. At least the Sixties hippies believed in the shit that they preached. Thick as bottled shite they might have been, but at least they were sincere. Today’s dipshit in rags and stinking fuckarse bellbottoms are part timers, preaching love and peace and freedom and save the environment before heading back to mammy and daddy for free room and board and support through tossers college. You wankers! You’ve all got the spine of a fucked jellyfish and the principles of a paedophile priest! If I see any of you lettuce munching, passive shitfucks in my line of sight, I’ll shove your new mobile phone so far up your wart covered arse you’ll be getting satellite signals in your fillings for the rest of your life, and then I’ll stuff you into the nearest available trash compactor. How’s that for free love? By the way, free love gives you STD’s. In conclusion,

up your mothers dead arse.

Right. Now lets talk about racism, shall we? People might think that I’m some sort of Nazi, but I am not a racist. Racists are the wipeoff from Gods nob – end. All those fucking societies like Combat 18, the Klu Klux Klan, and the White Power movement are basically societies for people who like to say “I am an inbred spunkmonkey who likes to fuck his children, and sometimes my sister, or the family dog”. That’s right, assholes, the racist gene line is not 100% human. They are the result of sexual relationships with close family relatives and domesticated animals, and have penises the size of a baby carrot. This explains a lot.

It also explains why they are all (including the women) uglier than a leper’s arse, and not quite as smart. For fucks sake, all you whiteboy muthafuckers probably haven’t even met a person of a different race in your sewer of a life. And, I’m willing to bet that any time you’ve been fucked over, it was always one of your own crowd, wasn’t it? Besides, look at the women, you blind bastards. MMmmmmm….. These fuckwads need a dose of their own medicine. So let’s have them all anally raped by, oh lets say a sex starved elephant. For a month. Let’s face it, the bastards would soon change their asshole philosophies soon enough, no pun intended, and it would be pretty fun to watch. Let’s set up a trust fund right now. The Anally Raped Racists Charity. Give me money now, you wankers. You know it makes sense.

For a change, up their mothers dead arse.

Dirty, filthy, diseease riddled sore arsed sodomites! It’s a fucking bastard disgrace letting these spare pricks go around, quite literally riding the arse off one another. Just the thought of a guy sticking his throbbing cock into another guy’s shit – encrusted anus just makes me want to spew. To blow chunks. To heave my guts out onto the floor. WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT OF STABBING ANOTHER GUY IN THE ARSE?? Fuck, imagine taking a shit after an ordeal like that. It’d probably be like trying to pass a wrecking ball. Covered in razors. No wonder there’s so many fucking  killer diseases doing the rounds. The bent freaks are helping to propogate them. The rotting, semen loving prickfuckers.

Their mannerisms annoy like fuck as well, you know the usual limp wristed, flapping of arms and  frantic gesticulating, and stating imbecilic fuckarse bollocks like “Oh, yes, I’m like, totally gay. Totally queer.” As if wasting your sperm was something to be fucking proud of. I swear, if I ever get approached by one of those syphilis infested maggots again, I’ll prise their arse cheeks apart with a car jack, and drive a forklift up their lower intestine. Cut the bastards cocks off and mail them to their parents. Do it now. NOW, DAMMIT! I would say up their mothers dead arse, but they’d probably think that that might help her to understand them better. So, without further ado, may their useless genitalia wither to the size of a berry and poison their watery fucking blood.

HA FUCKING HA.

Now this is a topic that I can really cut loose on. What the fuck does that term mean? I’d look it up in the dictionary but since I don’t really see the point, why bother? It’s a term invented by fucking dumb Yanks, which they have shat onto the people too fucking thick or too fucking knicker soakingly terrified to stand up for their viewpoints, and onto the people whose brains are aware enough to know that those FUCKING WANKCHEESE FUCKBOLLOCKS CUNTS ARE IMPOSING THIS WATERED DOWN ATTITUDINAL SHITE ONTO US!!! Can you believe, fuckoes, that a dog, yes a fucking dog, was accused of racism for repeatedly singling out an Asian immigrant at Customs? WHERE WILL THIS BULLSHIT END??

These fuckers are worse than the crap I pick out from my ingrown toenail. MY FUCKING GENITAL WARTS ARE MORE INTELLIGENT!! Stop conforming to some philosophy simply because it might offend some four eyed, Amnesty International, Greenpeace supporting vegetarian nobody who probably doesn’t fucking understand half the terms that he uses, and would go to civil rights and environmental rallies, but oh, they’re all going out on the piss tonight. You get the general idea, I shouldn’t have to join the fucking dots for you, unless you’re mentally retarded of course. Anyway, vegetarians can’t protest. Their blood is like an anaemics’ piss fom not eating MEAT, and they don’t have the bastard energy to even raise their pale, shrunken hands. Save the carrots I say.

UP YOUR ARSE YOU UPPITY NIGGER.

(Now, folks, watch the hate mail flow in for that last statement. Consider it a controlled experiment. I’ll bet that most of the mail comes from America……)

A wonderful thing, irony. It’s allowed for the acceptance of complete and utter old man’s shite in the realm of popular culture throughout the ages. As a result, ABBA are “good”. Tom Jones is “cool”. And Eminem is “tongue in cheek”, “doesn’t really mean it”, etc. Bollocks. Without the spurious benefits of irony, ABBA are “cack beyond imagining”, Tom Jones is “a talentless old fuck who sings like a bull being castrated with steaknife”, and Eminem is “a dumb, redneck piece of shit”, ” a homphobe”, and, he “does really mean it”. For fucks sake, he’s even been quoted as saying that he hates gays! This useless fuck, like so much of today’s music, is a simple case of lowest common denominator, and we all know how much fun they are.

Worse still, he draws exactly the sort of mental midgets to his concerts that identify with him. Ten and eleven year olds saying they’re “down with Eminem because he hates gays”, then there are the dildo loving fourteen year old bitches that like him because he’s “buff” (No worries about them reading the lyric sheet), and the fucking wastes of life who dig him for the so – called danger factor. And what’s all this shit from academics claiming that his lyrics are poetic works worthy of T.S Eliot? What sort of a fucking commendation is that? This may strike you as a bit of a sad statement, but if he was black, would such infamy and acclaim be heaped upon him like offal on a slaughterhouse floor? I’ve got three words for you people, PUBLIC FUCKING ENEMY. Surprise, folks, I’m about to say good about something for a change. Now here are lyrics worthy of being termed “poetic”. Intelligence. Anger. A social conscience. Imagination. Eminem invokes a sick society on a sick society. Public Enemy wanted to change it. Check them out, and then maybe you’ll see sense and throw out those Eminem CDs. Do it now, assholes.

An attack on this syphilitic sore of a show is long overdue, and no number of braindead morons arguing its merits to me will change that. It is symptomatic of our times that people will watch this tripe, and more to the point, deify the assholes that put themselves through the wringer, making B – grade celebrities out of them. If, like me, you have more than one braincell, and have actually sat down to watch the thing, you will be astounded at the brain melting, narcolepsy inducing boredom of it all.

There is nothing quite as utterly fucking dull as watching a group of people living in a house, eating, sleeping, being set challenges by the show’s organisers, arguing, and spouting the most insanely dull bullshit that appears to pass for conversation among these pricks. A show like this makes you realise just how boring most people actually are. You find yourself wishing that one of the fuckers would pull out a minigun and redecorate the house with human flesh, such is the level of tedium. But the people, that is, the audience, are the real dickheads for being completely taken in by it. Haven’t any of you idiots got lives? You know, where you do things that are like, interesting? Constructive? Exciting? Good for the mind and soul? Whoops. Sorry. Almost made you think there. Can’t have that now, can we? Especially in this all encompassing Age of The Imbecile. You can go back to putting a new dial tone in your mobile now. Fuckheads.